Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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