I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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