1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
