Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
