Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
