i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
