You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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