last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
