Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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