Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
