Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
