nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
