Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
