Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
