I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
