It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
