either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
