I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
