you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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