This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
