Where did you get a picture of my penis
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
