bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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