For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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