I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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