Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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