i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
