Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
