hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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