Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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