she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I think my moral compass just broke
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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