mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
