I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
