he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
