his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
