State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
