Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
