Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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