i may or may not be watching the land before time
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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