The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
He kissed a someone with a penis
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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