remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
