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I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
