I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
