i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
