I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
