Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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