so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
