Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
