I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
