making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
