for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
