Pregnant stripper...not hot.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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