Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I just found puke in my bra..
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
