My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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